As with all things, busy-ness/A levels takes away your 'life'. And life means God because He gives life. And so I'll elaborate on that; it means that I'm spending too much time on empty things and kinda little on God. Most say 'read the Bible daily' but their thoughts are somewhere else for the next 23 hours plus?

So when I say that it takes away my life, I mean my thoughts are pre-occupied with crap and crud and stuff that won't be anything near memorable/significant when I drop dead. Or when I drop dead from the workload.

OK, I honestly think that God was trying to tell me something last week...and on Church, Sunday. You know my desperation on doing Law in uni and stuff/going overseas. And indeed, I've forgotten my purpose in life. Again. I blame my intense efforts at studying/working so hard to WORKING for something which caused me to forget what I'm LIVING for in the first place.

It's time to struggle for blessings that matter...like Jacob did. And struggle to separate yourself from the other things because it's exactly like GNP...an increase in GNP doesn't necessarily lead to an improvement in living standard. Enough Econs.

Somehow, God brought my attention to the meaning of Israel (you know the bottom of the Bible where they explain the meanings/context?) --- 'struggle with God'.

Realised most people struggle with worldly things/goals although that's no revelation to me. The revelation is realising how jealous I get when they manage to reach these worldly targets and I don't. Some people have more fun, some are more blessed in material terms, some have respect. And I do not NEED all that. And it's sometimes difficult to let it be. And accept it. Because I know that when I die, everything dies with me...and it's like Eccleisiastes (sp?? I know I spelt it wrong!! >.<) Everything's utterly meaningless except God because He is eternal.
~~~

Anw, I've been delaying this:

Haiz. The occult system in our music industry...and it's been getting more blatant, so far. Well, I've been studying it...it's a shock that a lotta my favourite artistes are SCREWED UP/DEMONIC!! And I've refrained listening to them so far. And it has led me, once again, to study what the crud the occult are up to being in our music industry. Not saying they've not messed with our fashion too. (Will prove all that later.)
~~~

Illuminati are a super secret society. They cover the free masons, Skull and Bones, they're in governments (I kinda believe although I haven't searched for hardcore evidence), in politics, banks. They're rich. And they're taking over the media via music industry...to influence the youth and other speculative reasons. They're powerful and they keep to being so strictly secret that when this guy blurted them out, he suddenly disappeared. OK, that's how it goes. I'll cover that some time later.

Yeah, life is dandy, sweet, mundane and totally people-friendly. It's far from evil, it's awesome...

OK, wdv...sarcasm ain't gonna proof my point. Life is awesome anw, but it ain't good. Not for everyone and I don't believe this world is good. It's evil for sure. And I doubt we realise the extent of it all. We shouldn't be conforming to it.



For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

Ephesians 6:12

Honestly, do you trust what the propaganda'd media tells you? Yez, it's not alright to be fat. "Fat people are disgusting." (I hope this certain bus turd reads this.) But who said that self-worth depends on fatness or thinness?? Or being fit. Wdv, (bus turd, read this). And it's cool to wear this and wear that and behave like this, get drunk, get pregnant, sodomy, discriminate...yadayada. If you haven't noticed, these new...morals are flooding us from the West. And I pray that we don't get influenced as easily as babies. I pray that we've got some prudence.

This world's a dark world...and yez, it's coming to an end. We should be serving God but most of us are swimming in a pool of blissful ignorance. We don't know the severity of it. Most of us are in a slumber; unknowing of what's going on. Yez, we're still worried about our hair, our job, our education, what's cool/catching up on what's cool, "OMG!! I TOTALLY LOVE THOSE SHOES...THEY ARE SO QUTE!!" (Not saying I'm not guilty here.) This applies to our lives as a whole, plz.

About our Rock/Roll Music Industry:



Interesting?? Rock music and rituals. 'Christians aren't able to have spells casted on them...so it'll work if they cast it on themselves by listening to rock music'??

When I listen to metal/rock, all I hear is sound. And it makes me feel like throwing up. And it feels so dirty...I don't know what exactly it is. It feels so lost and disgusting and revolting. Maybe I can sense the filth in it.

Now, it gets to my kinda pop music. (Cover that some time.) I'm closing my ears, thx. Yez, at one point in my life, I felt that everything was 'noisy'. Meaning, I felt like I was being bombarded by all sorts of messages and I wanted peace. I wanted rest, away from dirty things. I wanted to run away to a poorer country away from this dirt...that's what I told myself and a few friends. I felt sick. Needed peace.

Reliability:
Honestly, I'm not biased because if evidence is faulty, I'd admit it and move on. And you know how people like to come to a point FIRST and then use wdv evidence (indifferent to flaws or wdv) to back their opinions up? No, I'm not like that. But yez, this is a Christian's perspective though...hope I got it right. So I'm applying my beliefs to it, of course. So you don't have the right to say that just 'cause I'm a Christian, I've got this mindset that every thing's satanic and so I search on wdv evidence (flawed or not) to support my stand. When I first read up on stuff like this, I came to the conclusion it was total and complete Bull Feces. But you know, when you go deeper into it, there are some too much stranger to be coincidences.

As for these 2 vids, they're posted by a Baptist Church's site. I checked on that and found it reliable.

Tsk, I'm no fan of having someone tell me that my music is occult and that I should stop listening to those beats and those awesome tunes, you know?? It's not like the Truth is easier than Bliss which is to simply continue bombarding my mind with those catchy beats and rhythms that are totally ahhh...:( :( :( Ahwellz. The Right Thing is the Best Thing.

I should be studying!! Dem bloody busy. No time to blog. :( But I will...on other findings. :D Er. Soon. So this is my opening chapter of recordings. About media-occult stuff. It's messy. I know. And disorganized.

Omg, school's too busy to have time to do anything else, and troublesome because it seems like the discipline's always after me. And I'm just mitigated to have made it to the weekend. Like it's a touchdown of a long (sickening) airplane ride...and you can have more than seven hours of sleep despite the never ending workload. And to have to deal with the fact that it's a cycle and will come round again is another thing. The stopover break is always shorter than the flight.

My busy-ness level is like unbearable...partially 'cause I spent school in Debate 2ce this week till 7, reached home at 8...and then had to RUSH for this essay thingy, thx FunNope. My portfolio is What Portfolio? in terms of standard. His is like 6 paragraphs of wonders. Who gets Golds for English, Chinese and MALAY speaking/drama competitions, Silver for SYF?? And on and on and on...omg, he's crazy. Scholars!!

But it's been fun(ny) hanging with Jea (no, you don't treat him like a dawggy despite telling him to "STAY!" whilst depriving him of a dawggy treat for his obedience or patting him on the head)/Est (pregnant with a slut bastard)/Belle (NICE), even if Debates are unbearably boring sometimes. And I'm glad Beth's back in school! :D

Needa go out with Bex, possible-date-of-any-hot-beng/Wamz, my wurver, sometime.

And I thx Shitthia (sorry for the name transformation...I figure no one will figure who you are like that) for accompanying me. I mean...you're eons away from feces. :) Or not. Teehee! XD

You wouldn't wanna know this but...
I think I'm gonna have my menses.
It's been a long time. I blame the antibiotics.
Yeah, ok, I attacked 3 people today (kicked, scratched, punched)
at least 4 times.
It could be assumed that I attack those who annoy~ me...
But it could also be 'cause I'm irritable and mood-swingly.
Whatever.
Ahh...poor people who mock me and I suddenly explode.
It's like watching a little kid play with guns without knowing the possible consequences.
His Mom told him not to.
He should have listened.
But kids are kids; they play with everything and learn by experience.
Oopz. That's what you get when you call me fat. :D

Reuben, SLin, Elliotz can go die.
Shitthia is welcome to make his deathwish.

(Yeah, another randomed again.)
~~~

My blogging style is going haywire after reading half of Jodi Picoult's book. And I regret it. A bad book's worse than a bad movie even if you didn't BUY it...We all know how much more precious time is than money and I think I just wasted a few days reading 19 Minutes. I know, sounds ironic...my last sentence.

Yeah, her beat-about-the-bush excessively LONG and redundant passages, EMO-gized random...jot-downs (doesn't help that her writing is angst-charged) and the extremely flat (not referring to boobs) characters. If you've read the book, I think you'd become more narrowminded. It's just that the themes she writes about are appealing. But you know, they're really stereo...anyone can do that. Oh and she doesn't even cover some of the main themes as thoroughly as the subplot. One of the books I can't turn another page and bear to read on.

I think the My Sister's Keeper movie redeems itself because it was a movie, and because it was a movie, it wasn't WRITTEN. By her. OK, enough flaming.

So I knew about JodiPicoult and her notorious famous way of writing beforehand. Now why did I read it?? OK, I am currently into interested in how the occult is invading our media. Well, was currently, till I told myself not to get obsessive compulsive. But I saw 19 Minutes, be it coincidence or wdv...I saw the book cover, I read a bit of the book...I had to borrow it and study it. I did. But only halfway. Because turning another page could cost me precious time.

Jodi Picoult starts the book off on what you could do in 19 minutes (before she beats about the bush for the next 200 plus pages which have no reference towards the title whatsoever --- sign of a bad plot build-up with its irrelevant bits); like watching a soccer game, doing this, doing that, drying your hair. Whatever. Sounds like a mediocre story I'd write at age 15. But I do agree with her that you could do all that in 19 minutes. And please, it will be worth more of your time than reading 19 minutes which will probably take me 19 years to finish reading.

School has been ok. Just too much to study/do in too little time. Tis why I plan to repeat As if I don't do well enough. Ahh...9 books in line to read, most of which I borrowed.

It was great to see Mush. Been 6 months. And I've realised that there's no friend I've found like her because there's what you'd call 'Chemistry'. And one of the things is that I can tell her anything...prolly 'cause she's really open and honest, not mocking...prolly more understanding now then before. (and practical) Which makes me miss her.


Yez, Div...been a long long while since I've met up with ya.

Idiot!! I don't do whether I can make it overseas...or whether my parents would be willing to spend it. But I wouldn't wanna miss that opportunity for nuts. Because it's a whole different experience...and honestly, I don't like Singapore. Maybe I like it better so SG sounds mundane. There are other kinda offensive (sexist) reasons I have so I'd tell you personally if you'd ask me. People here are just so...no thx for me.

~~~

OK, on a lighter note~ :)

No matter how retardedly lame I sound, I'd like to say that I've got a bitchface but I'm not a bitch. Because I'm not a bitch but people naturally think I'm some kinda nasty bitch/person. And I don't mean just students...

And the thing is, I'm more of a 'bitch' when I let my hair down. I don't know why. Well, I know I'm more of a 'bitch' because people treat me like/think I'm one. And we all know that I often let it down in school last year because I always washed my hair in the morning and I didn't tie it up wet. And after a while, I'd just become too lazy to bother tying it up at all. No, it's not because I'm some vain/act-cool rebel. I quoted the words in blue from some very misled people.
*

My first most BLATANT experience was when my friend A introduced me to friend B. One day, I approached my newfound friend for Math help. Feeling like I might have given her the impression I was just using her, I decided to strike up a conversation about what sec school she came from or her O Level grades (which is a very mundane conversation for J1ers who just meet for the first time). "WHAT A BITCH!" Either I was condescending or she simply got that impression from my bitchface. But if I were condescending, I wouldn't have approached her for Math help or continued asking her for help for that matter.

WHY DID SHE FEEL THAT? I FIGURED THAT IF I DIDN'T HAVE A BITCHFACE, SHE WOULDN'T HAVE THOUGHT OF THAT AT ALL.
*

And this year, I've set next to a group of 3 guys (we'll call them 1, 2 and 3) in the library at the computer who were very surreptitiously talking about the person on their right --- me. As I've told you earlier on, I was noticed in school for not bothering tying my hair up. And when people talk, it's not usually good. It's more fun to say bad stuff about people as compared to the good stuff.

1: (says something to guy 2 I'm obviously not supposed to hear)
2: Ohh...your friend ah? Yeah, I've heard of her...she was from JJC. Appealed, left and got into AC.
1: Huh?? How come so random? Telling me she came from JJC??
3: Er...how did she get out of JJC?? Appealed through?
2: Nothing la, no idea la...seriously...dunno how she made it here.
Me: (feels awkward, switches off computer and leaves)
*1, 2 and 3 turn around and stare at me as I leave*

~note: this is just a sortta reanactment~

What kinda person tells someone about 'your' their FRIEND if they already know them? And. I'M NOT FROM JJC. I'M FROM MG.
*

And then today, my friend just told me that a girl in the class behind me says that I'm a bitch. Do I know her? No. I've never talked to her either. I don't think she knows me enough to come to that conclusion. OK, so maybe she's the bitch for saying that OR MAYBE I JUST HAVE A BITCHFACE!
*

And through much experience experimenting, teachers are generally biased against me with hair down. I know you're thinking, "Doih, you're not supposed to have it down."

That's one thing. But studies have shown otherwise:

Teacher A has seen me with my hair down for the first lesson although I willingly tie it up, without no prompting to, in later lessons.

But Teacher B has never seen me with my hair down.

Teacher C has never seen me with my hair down. Also, C only sees me with my fringe TIED UP...(Yeah, my classmates think I'm balding this year 'cause of that but wdv.)

Results:
After much 'Loading and Unloading' (testing this out many times), I've come to realise that B always likes me more than A. And C loves me like crud, thinks I'm a diligent and guai student.

Conclusion:
Thus, from inference...teachers are likely to see people as bitchfaces if they ever glance with them with their hair down. It is thus best to be bald and have no hair at all.

Edna Mode Theory:
If you don't dress like your granma in her time, you must be a bitchface. Because granmas in their time were all nerds and guai guai study study unlike today's generation where we've got students smoking, getting drunk or pregnant and doing drugs (WHICH I, AS A CF MEMBER DO NOT DO, CONTRARY TO SOME BELIEF DUE TO MY HORRIGIBLE EYEBAGS). So if you look like everyone else today, you definitely have to be a bitchface.

Application:
Ahh, oh yeah. Now that I've dyed my hair back to a very unnoticeable colour; unlike the blonde dye I used which made my hair just nice --- brown, I haven't much incentive, other than for Teacher C to think so guaily of me, to tie it back up. =/

Will talk about that sometime.
~~~

If KBL is talking absolute bull now, it means that the workload's driving her insane. This is the kinda diahorrea she produces from working.

OK, besides that...not saying I haven't conquered the struggle. Bleh. Oh yez, my overall grades came out last year although I only got them today 'cause I skipped the last week of school...and surprisingly, I didn't S or U anything (doih, actually). But my grades are interesting:

ABCDE!! Wee!! Spell the alphabet! And they are indeed the epitome of mediocrity.

And even more devastating; the A and B are my H1s...GP and Chem, yez Chem = hard to believe. They must have moderated till we rocketted to the Sun. I don't doubt that Kwok won't pick on me though. The 3 CDE grades are my H2s which suckz bailz. :( But not bad for someone so slack/ponstar, K?
~~~

I've come to my conclusion; there are really 2 types of argumentative ppl in the world. As in --- seriously love to argue and or seriously love Debate (of which I'm in).

I realised 2 years ago that being argumentative/really loving to argue was a sign that someone had a need for Pride. And apparently, I'm backed up by my Psychologist's study of what the primary basic psychological needs are:

1. Love/Belonging
2. Fun
3. Being useful/contributing/having an altruistic sortta talent or skill.
4. Power (which can be known as Pride)

And some people like to be heard; like to make their stand/mark/have an opinion; like to be right. And so they argue.

But then there's a) People who are proud/condescending. (My psych always told me that I've a mind of a 17 year old because I 'cannot accept people as they are'. More like, I told her that doing this/that or making a certain choice was WRONG, whilst having a sense of what's right or wrong because I mean, GOD KNOWS RIGHTS AND WRONGS. IS SHE LIKE CHALLENGING GOD?? OK, wdv. She's so not good with people/learning about them herself. That's why we always BOTH end up agitated with each other. She's not very perceptive either...nor is she intuitive. She gotta stop reading the book and think/experience. Some counsellor much.) No, but anyway, that didn't mean that I looked down on people. This is just out of experience.

I think people who join Debate (a lotta them) are proud/resolved. OK, not all of them. But yeah. There was _ teacher who said that I looked like a pig sty. Sorry, NOT HAD HAIR LIKE A PIG STY BUT LOOKED LIKE ONE. And if it were me saying that about her, I think I'd have been kicked from school or something. I should get my parents to sue her maybe.

Or that 'new' girl in Debate.
"Hi! My name's _."
Est&Me: "OK...hi."
"Yeahh...ok...so what are your names??"
And she says it in this scornful tone and annoyed face as if we owe her a living.
(We tell her our names.)
(She simply turns around without saying a thing, as if annoyed.)
No, I'm not trying to flame her or wdv. But here's to my point about what I observed from Debators.

They're all freaking proud. What I've seen from the competition of WOLS (sp?) vs AC alumni was that all contestants seemed really offended by what their competitors had to say and whenever they disagreed with something, they'd really take it like it was a personal attack. Like they felt that they were being understated. It's as if they placed their Pride in something as lame as Debate, what they argued and the way they did it. I saw them fold their arms, cross their legs very defensively and grunt or shake their heads, a display of violent hand signals to each other as they tried to point out how mistaken or 'confused' their competitors were. Just to seem better/more righteous/like they're having a clearer mind or concept/more reasonable than their 'stupid' opponents. Seriously. Quarrelling over some random issue that solves nothing in the end.
So I can say that Debate is simply like any other performance. Isn't it interesting/exciting/intensive to see this sortta crud? The clash between 2 opponents who want Power and to come out as more reasonable or something or such a good speaker; such is playing the part of Pride. But I joined to learn to speak more coherently. And also more confidently...whilst the really pro Debators are really really confident already.

Wait. But just as there are people who argue to make themselves feel better, there are also people who inherently cannot accept themselves. They are people who are defensive and want to look at things in the 'Don't disturb me and I won't bite you.' way. Most of them suffer from inferiority complexes. And I've observed it already myself. And sometimes, just sometimes...exclusively sometimes...ok, last year when I was down. Yeah, I did taste that. Becoming more irritable/whacking someone's head off whenever they tried to whack mine off.
~~~

So right now, I've never been more worried. And for poor reasons too. Whenever we face the future, we wish for no regrets; a fulfilled life. And if you were a sane, not immature (not neccessarily mature) person, if you were to find out you were going to hell, you'd panick. Or be upset at the very least and maybe try and accept it? So yeah. My point is...the future matters very frikkin' much.

And I want to live in America. Well, not permanently stay there...prolly study there or something. I know I may hate the people eventually and all (though I kinda doubt it). But if I don't go there, I feel like I'll be missing out on a lifetime's 4 year experience...that's if I do a degree there. And I really like America. And the culture too. And the food's better than what you get here...albeit unhealthy. Yes, I know studying's very different from working and retiring in a certain country. But I've kinda wanted to study abroad for a long while. And once I'm done studying, I'll never study again...not that I enjoy it...but it's the experience.

And I've forgotten that it's NORMAL for any person to not go abroad and study because of their household income. And I wanted to go 'cause I know I CMI for Law locally and I wanna do Law. Really. Because it's seriously not boring. It's dignified and it earns much. And many other reasons...

And if I can't get a scholarship, I'm barred by money. So yez, I became sad and all. But you know what? I don't NEED it to live and there are some things I just gotta let go of. And for a moment, I just couldn't. And I felt like I was in a crossfight between Love, Peace and God, and Want, Pride and Power. And there's no way I could win against my own Will. So I had to let go.

Church - Went out with Kax last Thurs and now found out that she's in my new cell. Ahwellz. Why is it that Kax/Brenda have to be overseas?? Ah. New cell's ok. I kinda expected that I'd be placed in David/Jonathan's cell...tgt. Kinda because of the mission trip. Ahwellz. I'm not ~really~ disliking anyone/having bad impressions. Just kinda sianned out that PastorHenry's in my cell. == Omg, 2 years!

*

Oh yez. And I finally went out with Beth during (her) holidays. =/ Since I've got school earlier than her. And she thinks my hair's better now! I think so too! No more boom boom explosion wild hairdo. =/ Ahh...need a fringe-cut tho.

Watched the Morgan's show...it was seriously. Average. Chick-flick. Ok. Realised that Imaginarium of Doctor...(wdv) is Illuminati ttm. And the backgrounding of the movie...if I'm not wrong, was created by (who's that guy called actor of Batman)'s father who's really 'spiritual'.

Anw, we exchanged presents. Thx, Beth! :D



Met Ginger who's now working in F21. Teehee!!

Btw, this is really random but I wish I were better at acting...or at least, better at not revealing how I feel. Nowadays, it's all over my face. Means that I've become more uncomfortable, naturally.

*


Esther is such an ASS.

Debate is keeling me. Seriously. Debate has been handed the Centre of Excellence from Drama, so I've heard. And that is not neccessarily a good thing, is it? Does it somehow relevantly boost my portfolio substantially? I think not. But one thing's for sure...we now spend more time on it. DEMMIT. CHEESEPIE.

No, and it doesn't help that some teacher (unnamed for my OWN safety despite her condescending offensive comments which I should SUE her for) told me that I've got pigsty hair. Well, honestly, my hair owns hers. >.< * Oh yez, and Econs sucks. Seriously. Last year, it was easy. This year, I've realised that after reading 1 chapter of it, Econs tuition is mandatory. :( Omg, and I still don't get it. :( I feel like crying. :( There goes Law.

*

TEEHEE, I'VE BEEN EATING ANTI-BIOTICS WHICH HELPS ME TO CLEAR THE ACNE/PIMPLES ON MY FACE!! AND IT IS WORKING!! Besides that, it's also been drying my skin!! TEEHEE!! AND SO MY SKIN HAS THIS REDNESS BECAUSE IT'S TOO DEM DRY WHICH MAKES IT LOOK LIKE I'VE BEEN APPLYING BLUSH!! TEEHEEHEEHEEHEE!! NOW I'M NOT SOME WHITE GHOST NO MORE!!

*

Ahh...I've been making a guest invitation list about my dream 18th b'day party. :D :D :D Although I cannot confirm that it will actually materialize because:

1. A levels falls on my b'day and after that, everyone will be overseas or something.
2. Where to have it? Bloody planning
3. Will my curfew become later?

Ahh...but I swear, I've jotted down a guest list of 40 ppl. :( And I know who I'd invite. Lolz. It'll be fun. And I'd be 18 and legal to buy alcohol. Mhm.

~

Gosh, I need sleep.
Ta.

I feel like I've neglected my blog after gaia-ing so much...and because of school of course.

I have decided to deem myself an introvert. Or act like one, at least. Well, I was, technically, an introvert. And it's time to live up to those ranks again. Because of A levels, partially, and because my environment has restrictions and sweeps me into being so. I shall not explain that further. It took me a while to realise that having different frequencies of interaction take effect and that no one can be friends/great/close friends with everyone. Of course. And yez, I've a great deal of books to be reading/work to be mugging/research online to be doing (what I've been researching on will be blogged out soon)/gaia-ing. :) Sometimes, I prefer doing that more than anything else, I...well, sacrifice my hang-out time with friends. No, not saying that I've been postponing a lotta outings on purpose but it's mainly 'cause of the lack of freedom. Eg. Curfew...and computer-online/free time. :D

OK, that's not my point of blogging. I have come to realise the spiritual struggle/warfare I'm presently undergoing. I generally disagree with my psychologist and her...well, NewAge-sortta (maybe it is or isn't) like philosophical views. Anw, she's right for sure (because she obviously studied it and isn't one of her philosophical views...but observational FACTS) that girls start thinking about Power/Control by the time they are 16/17/18 yrs young.

And I got my first lick on the jealousy icicle last year (because of the muggers' results in skl). And I prolly deserve that 'cause I don't study as hard but that isn't the point. So now of course, I am worried. About my future at this age. Living up to that psychological expectation. And yes, I'm very worried. Too worried for my own good that it is WRONG. Because it represents my lack of trust in God. And that He's provided me a good future. And I believe that the holiday has left me with some lethal dosage of apathy towards serving God. Who created me and makes me most happy.

I realised I haven't blogged in a long while and yet, have too many things to say. :(
~~~

Oh yeah. And then there's the whole I-wanna-study-overseas thing. :( Because I know my laziness takes me on a ride to faraway from the scholarships I can achieve. Be it academic results/posts in societies/clubs/CIP which I find far from edifying. And are limited.

(unrequired information point, basically don't read here if you're not interested in some belief essay of mine)
*
And the materials we have to learn are oh-so-boring. I used to think something was wrong with the system. Well, I've come to realise that the boring system teaches us how to cope with our boring future jobs. Because if work were interesting, it wouldn't be work. It would be play. It's like this: no one pays you to play arcade games (to have fun) but you pay them to play (have fun). Would you pay your employer?

Either I sound like I've gone through some obvious revelation that MOE would have expected me to realise by now or I've discovered some brilliantly stupid pain-inflicting ideology.

Because I know for sure that I excel most in the things I love learning. That will I take my interest to lofty heights. And I believe that this isn't only limited to ~me~. And thus, if things were more interesting, I'd believe that society would develop faster. I'm not criticising our education and the people who are smarter than I am who invented this (is it global?) system and its content. I'm just saying that things can be developed better and I'm not going to suggest how because I don't know how.

And, besides, my GP question is about what education is all about. And if I look at the goals of education which is more than just grades to entrance unis to job applications but also how one GROWS up to be able to cope and handle himself in society...and many other reasons, I don't think that the system lives up to it...especially the latter. But again I say, I'm not criticising. I'm just trying to say that some people do CIP for the hours, not for helping the old folks...and this doesn't benefit them morally if a moraled society is what we aim for.
*
(unrequired information point closed, you can start reading after my essay now)

So wishing I didn't type that crud out...was prolly sleepy and all. And it's 8am here and I'm awake again...albeit still sleepy. Continuing this bloody post.

SO MY POINT IS...I WANT TO DO LAW IN CAMBRIDGE NOW. BUT. 2 YEARS AGO, I ARGUED WITH MY PARENTS AGAINST DOING LAW IN UNI...AND I FINK THAT THEN, THEY WERE WILLING TO SEND ME ABROAD IF I CMI (CAN'T MAKE IT) HERE IN SG. BUT NOW, THEY'RE DEM UNWILLING TO SEND ME OVERSEAS AT ALL. DEMMIT DEMMIT DEMMIT.

And anw, I find it so dem boring/tiring/stressful to study here. Uni overseas is supposed to be slacker. More time to have fun/grow. I grow most during the hols because I'm idle. And it's the environment...and I prefer the people there, I guess. Honestly, too, I find it more beautiful.

The future is in God's hands.

This was such an interesting year. Despite not liking the middle portion of it, I must say, the hols bring the best joy. And school (the pain) makes them (the joy) shine much brighter.

Despite my inability to come together and hang out with my friends, enjoying a NewYear's Countdown party (and all the new years of the future thereon because it's gotta be spent with family), I'm glad to say that I've made it through the year (doih) but that's the least of things I'd expect to accomplish; meaning not doing something absolutely life-wrecking and stupid like drugging myself, DOIH.

I loved hanging with my friends. I loved NewYork, I loved Paris. And I love God. And I am happy. :))

Anyway, it all comes down to what you've accomplished/learnt/experienced.
And my NewYear'sResolution for next year =
1. Growing closer to God.
2. Being more practical/sensible.
3. Growing mentally older.

And so on...you'll find my list in my subconscious and you'll actually find it when I bother listing it out. And as usual, the NewYear leaves me with the reminder that time's passing, you're gonna die...whatcha been doing through these years? Glorifying God?

Anyway, here are my regrets:
1. Losing my love for absolutely everyone around me; I don't mean to sound like some narccissist or emokid who hates the world but mankind is absolutely detestably selfish. I'm not saying I'm not one of them anyway.
2. I've acted. Don't know whether lie is a better word to replace 'acted' but wdv.
3. My studies are neglected.
4. My lack tact.
5. My lack of patience towards people whom I shouldn't be getting angry with.

(So you get my resolutions.)

And of course, here are the joys of 2009:
1. I learnt to trust in God more/realised how much I didn't. And yez, God is REALLY there. I know with my eyes closed. OK, now I'm not struggling with whether God's there. After becoming more observant of how selfish and SCREWED UP this world is, I occassionally have doubts that God loves us so much He can save us. Occassionally.

I have a lotta thank God for. Yeah, I prayed for a test and this year, I got my test and it was ouch. Prayed for the collapse of pride (in everything except God) and I realised how hard it is to let go of that, tis like a ligament in your thighs. And you're old and inflexible and here you are, force to a complete split on yourself. OK, so I'm asking God to show me other ways to do that split instead.

2. Holiday in NY/Paris...fun to look out. :D

3. New hobbies I've discovered besides Gaia MMORPG and studying media/Ill. =/ Hanging out with friends.
~~~

Sorry. Kinda late. Had this in my drafts for a while. :(




Paint my nails! :D


RUMMY <3


My sleeping deck. :)


My eyebags after applying some cream which caused an allergy!! :((


Wam <3 Me

Tsk, I'm really much taller than her. Don't let pics deceive you. ;)

~~

Tsk...go see our retarded video; dancing to Hot n Cold by Katy Perry. Lolz. But it's only privated to friends on fb. :D
http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=262366000729&subj=511435001

There's just too many things I'd wanna do...too little time and too little freedom (restricted by parents). When I'm older and have freedom, I don't have the time 'cause of my job. Not the point; point is that hols are gonna end and I do NOT wish to count down. :)

Because we are always tied to something, we are always working. And there's nothing wrong with that...or else we'll be lazy bums. It just depends on how MUCH we're working and how effeciently we are.

I'll just settle for enough. Not. Maybe. OK. Nvm, I'll decide when I'm older. But money has chained us to many obligations and having enough money frees us from it.

Christmas is always spent with the family which includes distant relatives. And although it isn't absolute fun, it isn't absolutely boring either. Generally. Depends though. OK, I ABSOLUTELY LOVE RUMMY!! IT'S LIKE MAHJONG. AND IF YOU WANNA PLAY IT, PLAY IT WITH ME!! I LIKE-IT-VERY-VERY-MUCH!!

I love rose sparking wine...ok, this is random. But I really really love it. :D

OK, I just don't have enough time. :( Eurgh. A levels annoy me.

Anw, saw Avatar with Wam without Rachel and Rebecca who was supposed to watch it...but 1 pretended to be broke and the other already watched it. == And I think the plot was so 1990s...although it's really prettiful and all. Should have done with the 3D movie instead.

I put moisturizer on my eyebags and have worsened them...including causing an allergy. Help. They're now red.

Eurgh. Someone help me with a blogskin!!

Hawhaw...I managed to read half of a book! YEZ! And I'm too lazy to read the Christmas cards I received...just as I was too lazy to write them. Hawhawhaw...solly guys, will write some next year!! I just wanna know whether you can give and not ask/expect back!!
~~~


Mai Tongue




Yet to clean my nails as of now.


We all bought the same rings!! :))


EEE...


EEE...K


Thx AGAIN, Wam! :D

Ta~

ONLY. BECAUSE. I OWE. YOU. ONE:

OHHH RACHEL!! I TOTALLY LOVE YOU!! Only because the BIBLE told me to!! You talk a lotta rubbish and are a fun person!! That's why you're so awez0me!! HAHA! And you're weird...LIKE ME!! :DD I had a FUN FUN TIME in Church camp with you!! And bunking with you bearing me snoring was AWEZ0ME.

Oh yeah. And Happy B'day again, Esther!! :)) You've been an awez0me friend so far!!

I've been going out a fair amount. And I'm happy! :) I like spending time with people/friends.
~~~

This isn't easy to understand:

No, but. I know I've got God and all but sometimes, I feel like everyone's so far away from each other. As in people who not only just understand but WANT to understand and care. Both. And not only think about having fun/doing wdv they're BUSY with. Or being cool. Or worse still, if their definition of fun = cool...they become so far away from me. (referring to my generation) :( So I do the same. And I'm sick of the same thing but people who aren't won't be receptive towards the new and improved thing.

So if I were to suddenly go up to you and try to talk to you about something deep, something important, meaningful and expect you to understand, that would be hard. Or if I were to suddenly show you that I really care/love you because God does to, that would be hard for you to understand...and you'd think I'm gay/in 'love' with you. Wdv. And if I were to expect you to care for me like I do for you, you wouldn't know how to/know how much I do. Because I strive to love you just as God loves you (and love God the most with everything I've got so I'm doing so of course). And that's involves a lot of commitment but this world knows nothing about that sort of commitment.

That's the way the Best Friend treats me and everyone. And we should learn from His example.

If only you wouldn't think I was weird if I tried doing that...because He's doing that, you Christian. In fact, He wants to be with you 24/7. If you don't know that, you don't know Him very well.

It's so hard to connect to people nowadays. Other than small talk and empty conversation. Or lack of concern for each other. Concern isn't only about finding out how you're doing...I think it also means counselling each other in taking the right steps. Everyone struggles/has problems/has stuff they gotta go through. And we should be helping each other through it...or at the very least, trying to find out what they're going through.

Zzz...and the sad thing is that more people are being private so it's hard to get to them. I have finally come to a conclusion about dem private people. Dem private people are private because they know they've got something to lose if they don't keep their crud in secrecy. Like...if I were, IF I WERE to tell you that my friend Maween is an al-qaeda terrorist and has been keeping that a secret for a long time, she'd prolly be jailed. OK, sizing it down: If I were to tell you my deepest darkest secret (making it up 'cause I don't really have any) like...I secretly have a poster of Maween in my room and I continually kiss it because I'm lesbianly in love with her...I'd prolly be embarrassed?? OK, bad example. :(

For a lotta ppl who don't wanna open up, my point is that private people are private for a reason. You don't FEEL like being private. It's 'cause you've got something to hide, scare of being embarrassed/being broken from something of this world. Secret societies are SECRET for a reason. They've got something EVIL to hide. Tsk. And I am proven right. I don't know what these people have fear of losing if it's pride or anything, I wouldn't know. But they'll lose whatever they lose when they open up/all is found out. Hence, these are dem insecure people.

I believe there's a verse in the Bible against keeping secrets; to let all of them be known or something liddat.

But what can I say? Man is evil. Man is messed up. And Man needs God in his life.

~~~

I had a great childhood~








~~~

Eurgh. This holiday hasn't left me RECHARGED enough yet...all the hmwk and all. And they expect me to face some people and be strong, unmoving from my stand and all. I need a longer hol.

http://connecttheconstellations.xanga.com/

Let me introduce you to my other blog if you want MY DEEPER stuff. No, my shared blog with 2 other ppl who both used to be closer friends of mine, including 1 who doesn't wanna be friends anm. I'm not gonna go into that (because apparently, I don't feel like bothering anm). But here's the other blog (of which CANNOT be deleted without my permission 'cause it's 1/3 mine too), thank you. And it's a mixture of MY posts and their other posts. You can identify my stuff by my writing style.

Woah, I gotta admit. Hols have been boring. But boring's a mile lot better than being in school (which isn't only boring but tedious too).

Ytd, after Church, I went out with Keri's Church gang and for dinner, ate at NYDC (which I'll de-advertise to you) is OVERPRICED and the food is HORRIBLE (except for the dessert). :( And don't tell me I've got high-standards. I've eaten in NY and I know what the food there IS. You're in Asia, don't eat ang moh food. And when you're not, don't eat Asian food. *hints at the quality of Chinese food in NY* Well, you see, we like ang moh food here no matter how sucky it is. And in ang moh countries, they love Asian food, no matter how sucky it is. Believe me, I've tried some really bad Asian food over there. Eurgh.

But I'm really glad though...that DailyScoopp has opened in Chibi (sp?) Gardens. Cheap, awez0me icecream. I feel like going there now to have some.

OK, digressing; MY POINT IS...AFTER EATING THAT CHEESE/HAM PASTA IN NYDC, I'VE BEEN PUKING AND HAVING DIAHORREA 100X. EURGHHH!! And FEVER. And my blood pressure is so HIGH that...when I place a piece of cloth on my vein, it dances to my heart beat and MOVES off...OMG, THAT IS SO FREAKY...

And. Because of that, I can't go out with Jea...sigh. Which makes today a boring day.

Plz don't tell me to study. Because I have been, everyday. And I'm ill...if I continue with my Math hmwk, I'll puke all over it.

A feeling of hopelessness encumbers me.

Oh yeah, if you're gonna tell me to watch some movie/TV/listen to some music, I will NOT. And you prolly think I'm overreacting but I tell you nao, I won't be brainwashed by this media. Yez, that's very disciplined of me. A few years ago, I think I was inspired by not doing this...(and I hear you say, "WOAH, ARE YOU CRAZY??") because I sensed the brain-washing effects from it. That's one thing. I believe that, as a Christian in this dark/twisted world, I'll refrain from being influenced by it. The problem with many Christians is that they don't see being a part of this world as WRONG. Sorry, but the impulsive feeling of having a need to fit into this world outweighs the thought (if there's any thought in the first place at all). Sometimes, you gotta know that you don't matter, you're not in the centre of the universe, you self-centred crazy. God should be. Because He created us. And blessed us with everything.

You know, I was wondering what the world would have been like without the entertainment bit of media. Well, the stereotyping bit. The only thing I see that comes out of media is the fact that it brainwashes and causes people to stereotype themselves. And yez, I believe that it's also a form of propaganda to control the social behaviour in society.

And everyone wants to be unique in the 'same way' if you know what I'm getting at. Everyone's much the same which such influence now, it makes me sick. And if they're all the same, they expect you to try to be the same too. Too bad, I'm really weird and apparently, PROUD of it too. Weird today is a different form of unique, scorned by society. And I believe scorned because we're unique not in the way they want us to be. Those people who feel the need to be 'unique' in the same way/stereotyped as bimbos/I-dunno-metal-heads/cool people/yada yada are all idiots. I guess it's the need to feel a sense of belonging but can't they see that they're all different in the same way?? And God doesn't want us to fit in here anw.

Dear friends, I urge you, as aliens and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your soul.
1Peter 2:11

Do we even try?? You know what? I believe without the music/the TV programmes that tell us what to be, I believe HERE, that we will be different. I think that because they do without it in Cambodia, people don't care/KNOW what's weird/not. So I'm sick of your stereotyping. Gimme a break. I don't wanna live here. We are too feeling and unthinking.

So you're wondering what I do if I don't watch/see anything?? Hawhaw...I've been researching how the occult is influencing the entertainment part of media; VigilantCitizen.com and PseudoOccultMedia.blogspot.com. And on youtube. OK, but when I'm finished with their pages/researched out, I'll check out how it's in the politics/economy. Look, I shan't watch TV/movies/listen to music/K-b0x anm...gimme a break, thx. Let me get to something edifying.

Oh yeah...I have those 4 books I bought...that I can read. Wait...and 1 borrowed book. Maybe I should refrain from some stories as well.

I.am.being.honest. Set Apart for God